If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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