I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
