Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
