Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
