Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
