Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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