My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
