playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize