OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
