I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
