Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize