call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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