I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
