He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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