you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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