How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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