Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
