Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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