Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
