so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
