Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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