All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
