You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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