he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
