I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
