your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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