Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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