did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
