So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
