i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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