I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
