God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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