Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize