saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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