Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
