You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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