I just made out with a guy for $7.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
