Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
