You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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