I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize