My nipple is on Facebook.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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