i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
