He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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