Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
