My hand turned me down
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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