um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
