just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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