He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
