The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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