Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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