life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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