So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Drake has all the answers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
