don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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