how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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