oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize