Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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