I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
