i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
