yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
