I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Threesome in a minivan. New low
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
