it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love you.
Bad choice
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
