When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
