cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
