I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
