how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
