I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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