my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Reggie can tackle my bush.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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