Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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