He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize