i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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