none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
