There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
