And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
