Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
