Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
