i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
