I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize