You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
