I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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