bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
