Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
