I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
