Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
God, I missed his penis.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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