You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize