I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
