omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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