Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Barsexuality is the new black.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
