Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
