just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
