Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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