I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
