my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
