Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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