did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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