I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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