My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
