just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
