Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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