Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
